Nobody's Hero

From the first pregnancy to this, I have decided that I don't have to be a hero.

What am I talking about?

Well, with my first labor, I thought I had something to prove. So many women before me did this without pain medicine, why can't I? I am going to show my worth by bearing through this without any meds whatsoever.

Now, my labor and delivery were a special case. I had preeclampsia and had to be induced. My blood pressure was 197/110 when I got to the hospital. My son was 3 1/2 weeks premature. I also got stuck at 7 cm and couldn't dilate any further. They were trying to get me to relax enough to be able to finish dilating. I ended up with some Stadol *which only made me angry and groggy* an then an epidural. I was angry. Mad as a wet hen, even! I glared at the anesthesiologist with spitfire and vengeance in my heart. My last comment before I got the epidural was the end all kicker: I better be able to feel my legs!

I passed out shortly after that. I had been in induced labor since around 10 am and it was around 7 pm when I finally got the epidural. Exhausted, I awoke to the sensation of the need to push. Three really good pushes later and my son was born at 10:27 pm...12 1/2 hours after it had all begun...and I felt my legs the entire time.

What did I learn from all that?

Having pain medicine doesn't make me a wimp. It doesn't make me a coward. It doesn't degrade my ability to birth a child as a woman. Pain medicine is not something that has to be shunned to prove a point. Who am I trying to save? I don't have to be a hero.